Singing myself to sleep

As if the nightmares won’t appear in my dreams

Burying my head into my pillow

As if…I hide my face there long enough it will all disappear

Why did I open any doors

Why did I not just stay in my box of remedies

Why I am afraid of everything

Why do I want to push everyone away

Making myself sick within my own mind

My heart wants to beat but I just want to lock it up

Not sure what to say

How to act

A nervous wreck

Just want to scream out all the pain, I have trapped within myself

Why can’t I be the girl who only wants someone next to her

Why can’t I stop this longing for the unknown

I keep digging myself deeper and deeper into this longing

Have I placed myself in this place…wanting something that doesn’t exist

What I would give for one moment in this world I long for…

I have stopped searching for it

I tell myself, if this is real it will appear out of nowhere

Trying to make myself appear to be like everyone else

Why do I feel so different from everyone around me…

Maybe I am the normal one and they are the weird ones

I want every moment, breath, and step to feel  life within it

Maybe everyone else has already found this

As I stand outside of the crowd not feeling anything

But the longing for something different from what I see

Telling myself…

Be patience, this life has more to offer

While you wait…

Let your bare feet feel the grass beneath them

Let the wind wrap around your body

Let the sun embrace your skin

While the moonlight reflects off your beautiful body

It will come when you least expect it

It will be as a roaring fire taking over the forest

You will feel it all

This is your time to love yourself

Just breath and take it all in piece by piece

Wrap yourself in all the glory around you…

~ by jbritt