It’s time to lay my head down again, but yet again my mind slips,                             Knowing that this beauty will not last forever,                                                         Knowing one day all the echos in my mind will show with every wrinkle imprinted on my face,                                                                                                                   The thought of his breath against my neck,                                                                   His arms wrapped around my body,                                                                             Trying to remember what it feels like to be touched, kissed, embraced through the night, to feel someones else’s soul connect to mine                                               Has it been that long…                                                                                                                 It feels as if it has been ages since I have felt anything besides the darkness in my dreams

Thinking…of how long I spent with a man who never knew me or fully wanted me                                                 Only showing any kindness or affection towards me when others were around,   as if he treasured me                                                                                                                  Funny how he would only reach for my hand when others looked or took any interest in me                                                                                                                             While all the time we slept on opposite sides of the bed nearly falling off the edges.                                                         While I laid there listening to the sounds of nothingness all around me,   Dreaming of a way out of this hell I have placed myself within                             My pride driving jagged blades deeper within my soul                                                 The cruel words he spoke against me while shouting in my face, across the room towards me, slamming doors, or breaking objects trying to show he was in charge                                                       His passive aggressive ways could be alarming at times                                           But the sorry’s he cried the following day                                                                         All I wanted was for the screaming to stop…                                                                   He wanted to break me, not knowing that he took all my pride with his hurtful words, he sliced me with daily                                                                               When all pride had left me…I left him… Thinking…How crazy it is that you can have someone right next to you, but also be so alone                                                                                                                                   Never looking at, touching one another, or speaking a word but a shadow of a person is living in your home                                                                                                   The sweet release the day he carried his bags out the front door, also taking his angrier, depression, and self hate with him

Knowing…Never again will I live in a lifeless home where all hope is lost    

~ by jbritt